By Roderic Byrnes
Location: A London hotel foyer
Synopsis: A father must decide which daughter to save
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Adventure is calling… what will you do?
This entry was posted on Saturday, May 11th, 2013 at 12:32 am
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Posted in: Day one scripts, Help, Uncategorized
First I read it thoroughly
Secondly, I understood the content
Thirdly, I smiled and gulped my liquor. It’s catchy, scary, horrible, engaging above all captivating the minds of the readers and if act upon a viewer might scream the hell out like the old woman sitting at the last row in the auditorium.
Very excellent!
My comments would be similar to Anthony Vercoe.
I would like it to be expanded. well done
I really like the London hotel setting, the chaos happening there kind of gives me visions of 28 Days Later. The transition between infection and behaviour, although it is very quick and sudden, it could be good for dramatic effect.
I’m not allowed to comment yet but I can say this… The middle letters and the heart of the title, ‘Vera or Samantha’ spells… orSam ;o)
I like ‘Vera or Samantha’. It’s a big plus for the drama if the protagonists are out of their comfort zone such as a foreign country. One could expand on the discomfort by adding a foreign language and a cranky desk clerk who dislikes English speakers.
I might suggest, however, that the sequence was far too brief. At just over three pages, I found myself reading back over it a couple of times to get a handle on what was going on. I missed that Vera was the niece (characters should be introduced in capital letters) on the first reading and thought that Johnson was a cowardly bastard for leaving his daughter. All the same, he really didn’t go out of his way to help her, did he? She was ‘skipping around playfully’, Johnson might have at least called to her after he got his daughter to safety. Perhaps another page would have raised the stakes by separating Johnson from Samantha while he was trying to get to Vera.
Overall, an exciting scene. I’d like to see someone make this. Well done!