Introduction
The formula and the science behind our story, has evolved.
This new content, along with your reviews has enabled writers such as the USA’s Joseph DiFrancesco and the UK’s Geoff Dupuy-Holder to create more targeted works however some of the original writers, such as Russia’s Nikita Ivanenko and Nigeria’s Ebuka Okparauzoma found their original drafts required a rethink.
New Africa
The original drafts created by Writer, Ebuka Okparauzoma were based on a freedom fighter battling against the kidnapping of schoolgirls by the terrorist group, Boko Haram.
Ebuka felt that Nigeria needed to be represented as a modern urban society for it to ring true to African viewers. To that end, this latest work of Ebuka’s shifts to a new character in a new setting.
Review process
This review will be based on Ebuka’s new synopsis and beat sheet, (below).
Reviewers can read both then either complete Task One, Task Three or both.
There is no Task Two for this review.
The next draft of Sentient Africa will be shaped by your critique.
Special thanks
Thanks so much to Naira Gevorkyan for her contribution to the work.
Review task one
Read, rate and comment for 1000 points.
- Read the reference material so you know what the review should be based on, (at the very minimum, Everything you need to know about the alien life-form and the latest formula guide.
- Read the Africa Synopsis and beatsheet, (above).
- Rate it using the 1- 5, star review system that features on the posts.
1 star = poor
2 stars = OK but not engaging
3 stars = engaging but it needs serious work
4 stars = very engaging
5 stars = a page turner
- Log in to the Sentient.TV site and leave a comment on how the work can be improved at the bottom of the post for that review. The comment must be no longer than two short paragraphs.
- Confirm you have completed this for your points by emailing the HOD at david@davidsteinhoff.com or messaging via the site, (the safest bet).
Review task three
Note: There is no task two.
Read, rate, (using the star guide), then answer the author’s 10 questions listed on the post for 2000 points.
We ask each Author to create a list of 10 questions they seek answers to. Read and answer the questions using the Download the Word document embedded in the post, answer the questions and send your work to the HOD at david@davidsteinhoff.com. Confirm you have done this using the Sentient.tv site’s messaging system. They will be posted to the site for viewing. You may contact the Author directly to seek clarity re the Qs.
Donate to Team Nigeria
Think your life is tough?
Being a writer in Nigeria is brutal.
Ebuka doesn’t have reliable access to the internet. His equipment is ageing and his scriptwriting software, dodgy.
We’d like to change that.
We asked Ebuka to come up with a budget to fund new equipment, software and internet access. US $2-3,000 will cover it.
We now invite Sentient team members to lend a hand.
Donate to Ebuka to help him purchase his new equipment and we will award you points to the value of 10 X on the leaderboard.
Donate $100 and earn 1000 points. Donate $1000 and earn 10,000 points. You choose how much.
The first thing we’re going to purchase for Ebuka is Final Draft Software.
To help kick-start the fundraiser, the HOD, David Steinhoff will be contributing Australian $200 of his own money so with just a little more from you we can purchase a licence for Final Draft for Ebuka.
You may not think, helping a Nigerian writer is important. Consider this, Nigeria represents a market of nearly two hundred million people and most of them have access to TV. Nigeria is our gateway to Africa and you can help make that happen.
To donate, purchase a Campaign Veteran Stamp and message the HOD, ‘This is for Ebuka’, to receive your 10 X bonus points!
Thanks so much. We will advise how much has been raised and by who in a mailout in the next quarter.
Soon to be published
- Sentient USA – Latest Draft post review
- Sentient UK – First Draft
- Sentient Australia – Second Draft
Task three reviews – Top Ten Qs
This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 2nd, 2019 at 8:01 am
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Tags: Africa, Africa TV series, David Steinhoff, Ebuka-Okparauzoma, Nigeria, Presence Global Entertainment, sci-fi, sci-fi TV series, Sentient, Sentient.tv
Posted in: dog, Help, Pilot, Sentient, Uncategorized, Writing
Great work, Ebuka!
Now having taken a comparative look at the synopsis/treatment for Africa’s new direction – a global rewrite – I can better assess the progress. I do like the new direction, Dozie now a firefighter, for it gives the main character a whole new skill set and applicable perspective in dealing with the chaos to come. Not sure how I feel about the groundwork being laid down so far with respect to his occupational conflict with Dapo. Seems pat in the landscape of an alien takeover, but it’s too early to tell.
Overall, and this is just my two cents, the original draft – the invasion occurring during earthly war and strife – had a certain air of bedlam to it. It hit the ground running, and running fast. The alien invasion amidst a war suggests we are being reigned in simply because we are behaving badly. Africa contrasts nicely with USA, which starts out with more of a laissez-faire, typical day at the office feel.
Again, I know I’m coming in late with this so take it with a grain of salt. The new approach is strong, and is positioned well for continued growth and development.
The conflict model’s scale against the alien invasion is a significant issue in our formula. I am working on this and hope to give the team guidelines to help them and to encourage them to contribute solutions. The guidelines will cover the ARC of the lifeforms after arrival and their evolution and then radicalisation.
So please forgive me for being so late on this, but I wanted to read the Africa Pilot (Old) to get a sense of the overall feel and story progress.
I loved the testimonial approach to the opening, the Sentient attack occurring whilst a region is already in a state of turmoil, the characters and the flow of action. Excellent.
I can see where rewrites were needed in light of some of the descriptive narratives being more of a novel approach. Small stuff. Easy to correct.
The story held me. The characters being caught with their own life dilemmas prior to the attack, the descriptions of the attack itself as well as the immediate outcomes were great. The story and it setting is in such contrast with the other approaches thus far that it gives the project that sweeping global effect it was looking for.
I look forward to reading more as the development continues.
So, what are your thoughts on the shift from the freedom fighter character located in rural Nigeria VERUS Ebuka’s new firefighter character based in urban Nigeria? He feels strongly that Nigerians want to see themselves depicted as modern and sophisticated, thus the change to the firefighter.
hi Ebuka, i agree with Dave and i find your work captivating and busy with action in mad cisrcumstances. i want to see your characters blossom !
i shall contribute to our Africa team helping you out with getting your equipment and them characters springing to life 😀 power to your elbows 😉
Team Africa really appreciates for all your endless efforts and contributions to Sentient Africa.
We will give our best to the story.
I think this is where I need to place my review?
I would like to give more than three stars but slightly less than four stars! 3 1/2 STARS
I find the story engaging overall and the main character and his story makes me want to find out how he goes on and what happens to him (I think, however, that although he worries about his daughter he would not have left the building without the woman he was rescuing! His training would be too strong to let him do that!) The nemesis character, on the other hand, seems too odd and rather unbelievable. Generally I felt I wanted to know more and follow how the events unfolded.
My preference would be for the nemesis character to be a STRONG female character whose point of `disagreement` with the hero relates to his macho persona. Somewhere along the line of their history, they have come into conflict because of sexual politics within the fire service. This would give their future story the possibility to continue along this fault line OR for there to be a resolution and they become firm colleagues and friends. (OR, of course, it could be close to resolution only to flare up again!! – open to all sorts of possibilities!) This may also explain why she tied up her Chief… either he attempted to take advantage of her during the arrival of the Sentients and she was protecting her honour, or he had gone mad and she was protecting him from himself…. but now she is not there the event seems inexplicable.
Hi Keith,
Thanks so much for the review of Ebuka’s synopsis and outline.
We don’t have a 3.5 stars. Would you be so kind as to scroll up and select either the 3 or 4 star option?
Hello Keith,
Well noted. Thanks for your opinions.
This work has excellent potential. I don’t believe you know the characters well enough yet. Have a deep conversation with them, all of them. Get to know them better and this will evolve into an outstanding screenplay.
Sorry I havent had time for a proper study of the material yet. I found the synopsis a bit vague but the beat/treatment much better.
The action feels good but I agree with David . I’d have a big think about Titi. Im assuming she’s going to be a major character and probably love interest but at the moment all we know is that she is a woman who is rescued and then rides around with the hero. Who is she? What was her life? Exploring the possibilities of an under-considered character can sometimes be the key to igniting the whole story.
What I find useful developing any story is to go through each character’s relationship to every other character (and yes thats a lot of relationships). Surprising things happen when you do this! Also think about how each relationship relates to the theme of the story.
Thanks DN.
Don’t forget to hit the STAR rating at the top of the page to leave your 1-5 star rating.
Hello Dave and to every sentient member, Team Africa is grateful for your various contributions to see that the Sentient project make it to limelight.
We are equally wishing you all a prosperous new year.
We await your individual reviews.
Cheers.